If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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