just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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