So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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