this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize