She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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