So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
