im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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