there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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