She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
