So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
