problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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