I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize