just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
