She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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