she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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