i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
