Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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