Where is the hickey?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
