chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
