i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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