my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
