girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
