I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
