no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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