We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
