You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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