we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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