I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would fuck him just for his dog
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