I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
this hospital has no fireball
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
