i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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