like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize