News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
