just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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