Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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