don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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