I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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