You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
