Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
