The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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