Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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