chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
