im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
