I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
As shirtless as possible
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize