it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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