I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
