She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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