I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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