She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
