you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
