This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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