I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
