We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
