I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
