I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
