you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
