Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
