Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
