I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
