So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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