I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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