Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
