wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
