remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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