Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
