I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
