I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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