you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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