I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
