It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
